Crush that fear by finding the fun in being a beginner again
Only action cures fear. -Susie Moore
Aw, the awkwardness of being a beginner at something. I used to think that. I also found myself hiding when learning something new until I "perfected" it. I suffered from the classic case of perfectionism. The irony is that if you told me that, I would roll my eyes and say, I guess you haven't seen my house (pure chaos of toys and trinkets. Opposite of perfectionism). It wasn't until recently that I got super triggered during a zoom call when one of the fellow zoomers (is that a thing?) asked if I was limiting myself due to perfectionism. Oh, boy, did that set me off. I was fire up.
Immediately my energy went into a defensive mode, which meant yes, she was right. I was indeed a perfectionist. Not your typical one but more along the lines of the person who doesn't want anyone to know they aren't good at something. Holla, if you can relate? I didn't use to always be like this. Truth, I used to LOVE to try new ideas and be 100% in the moment. But damn it, sometimes you get hit with the shit stick. You know, the layers of events where negative comments or feedback that became attached to your sensitive self.
I didn't want to experience another moment of someone telling me things like, yeah, that drawing looks like a child did it. O my favorite: who do you think you are trying to be all spiritual with your sound bowls? I know you. You're evil. (Yes, that one happened, and BTW, I am not evil. I was doing something she wanted to do. Envy isn't pretty). But the crazy part is that I was limiting myself. I was the one hurting my growth as I was putting WAY too much attention on them, as well as giving those people too much power over me. Now that I look back, I have some zingers, George Constanza style, ready for future negative nellies. But really the point is: SO WHAT if negative nelly tells you something shitty. That doesn't define you or the process you are courageously doing. Those negative nellies are also suffering from the same lack of confidence and faith in themselves. In Lak'ech Ala K'in. I am another you.
Now that's an interesting point that needs exploring. Maybe you, too, feel that our society has just come to expect everyone to be an expert? I'm blaming instant gratification from social curation that's been on steroids for a little way too long. Newsflash: if we were to be experts in everything, we'd come out of the womb walking and dancing like Fred Astaire or JLo if that's a better visual. Also, everyone would be the same, and that's just plain BORING. No, thank you, I'd rather have surprises and delights!
As I explored my trigger from the zoom call, I recognized that while I was trying new things, I wasn't sharing with anyone I was learning new things, which means that I was still in the protection mode of keeping my heart safe. Yes, my heart. When we find something we are curious about and pursue them, it comes back to a heart connection. There's an itch of passion that comes with the curiosity. Otherwise, we would not do it. Life is busy enough, so when we dedicate time to a heart's desire, we place our hearts outside of our bodies and becoming vulnerable.
So why do some people make time to explore new things, and some don't? I chop it up to fear. Fear of failure. Fear of looking like a fool. Fear of not being good enough. I could go on and on, and that's just from my experience. But the good news is that you can punch fear in the face one mini-miracle at a time. You can strengthen that trust muscle (as Lacy Phillips would say) and start living your individual, unconventional life.
Let me leave you with this: what have you done today that gets you one step closer to a passion, an interest, or something fun? We can all talk about how we wish we could do this or that, but where is the action for it? Haven't we all spent enough time being on the safe path? Newsflash: playing safe doesn't guarantee shit. Look at the pandemic and its global impact. Who would have thought? Honestly, now when people tell me something they want to do isn't possible, I respond with: Yeah, and we thought the whole world wouldn't stop on a dime, but it did. So yeah, what you want to do or desire is possible!
Here's the secret formula that I've found works: action, conviction, the release of a timeline, and finding joy in whatever you are pursuing. Maybe an experience from my own life will help illustrate that better:
I've always wanted to be a runner. I was an athlete growing up, and I hated running. I couldn't stand when my coach would have us do laps. My running style was uncoordinated, ugly, and loud as hell. You'd think I was dying if you ran past me because I couldn't breathe. So when COVID + quarantined happened, like most, I was in complete locked down. Like freeze mode. After chatting with my therapist (Yes, I have a therapist. Trust me, get one even if it's once a month), he mentioned that the public parks were open for exercising. I couldn't believe I didn't get that memo! I hung up the phone and put my workout shoes on for a quick stroll (with a mask on, of course). At the park, I saw so many beautiful runners flying by like gazelles. It felt surreal. My first thought: I wish I could run like that. Then it dawned on me; I can do that! But first, I needed to figure out how.
I reached out to my nephew, who had just posted a photo of himself completing an Ultramarathon. I asked him for tips on running. He wasn't born a runner. He became a runner. The best part about asking him was that he had complete support for me. This part is essential for any new adventure: find those that will SUPPORT you, kick the others to the curb. He also was 100% honest with me that it would take time and commitment. Well, I had plenty of time with quarantine. But in all honestly, my discipline muscle needed some work. I put together a quick plan for my goal: to run one lap without sounding like I was dying. Haha, see, right there, I made it lighthearted and fun. It took months. There were massive hurdles like healing my hips and sciatica and believing in myself even on shit days. But I made sure my commitment was non-negotiable: I had to show up every day to work on some small step in the right direction. Also known as DISCIPLINE.
Well, happy to report, I did it. I battle the beast of doubt, and due to my dedication, I finally ran (months later) without sounding like a Homer Simpson going after Bart or a donut. The keys to all of this were discipline, a strong belief that I could do it, support from good people, and not take myself so seriously! Normally, if I couldn't do something by a week two, I'd give up. Not this time, as I knew if I wanted this experience to stick, I had to allow time to do its thing. Not push it or hate on it. Just surrender to it.
I'm sharing this story for a couple of reasons: accountability to myself for sharing my awkwardness as a beginner, to hopefully inspire you to do something that you want to do, and get the word out to remember that being a beginner can be fun. You must go out there, do you, and stop giving power to the naysayers. You are worth showing up for yourself!
Quick hacks I used to help me battle impatience and the awkwardness of growth:
Have a reward system for hitting your tiny victory for the day. Here are some of my favorite rewards: time in the park relaxing (totally free), listening to your favorite podcast, or a big chunk of dark chocolate for those super challenging days.
Speaking of days, some days you will not want to do the work. Been there, so crush that laziness by turning on your favorite playlist and dance hardcore for 5 mins. It sounds crazy, but this one works. Tried and tested, nine times out of 10, I would go for my workout after the dance session. You can use this for anything. The reason it works is that you are changing your mood. You start feeling better, and that leads to you going after what you want.
Last but not least: follow David Goggins. He's intense but if you like directness, what he shares is pure gold. On days that I felt like a loser, I would listen to Goggins. He helped me to realize that I needed to stop wasting energy and time on poor me. Nothing gets achieved by being in a funk or a victim.
These three worked for me, but I'd love to hear what works for you. Also, please share what you want to learn! We can be accountability partners. Hit me up on Instagram, email, or share in the comments below. For accountability and proof that I'm doing what I preach, I'm currently in the process of learning how to draw again (take that Professor Bishop who said I suck), speed read (Jim Kwik rocks), and commit to writing on my blog (about time I use it again). The trick is, I've given myself 20 mins a day for each goal. I'm totally in the super awkward stage, and it's ridiculous how much fun I'm having. Hey, isn't it the journey that makes it all worth it?